How Halloween Goes When You’re 6
1. Step out onto porch in your awesome homemade costume.
2. See kid with better store-bought costume. Feel real hate for the first time.
3. Wait impatiently while your parents instruct your older sibling not to leave you behind.
4. Older sibling meets friends, leaves you behind.
5. Older sibling ignores your request to wait up. Hold a grudge that you forget about immediately because your older sibling is the coolest.
6. Old Mr. McCafferty takes forever to answer the door. While waiting, contemplate how everything is awesome forever.
7. McCafferty gives you sugar-free candy. Wonder why old people even exist.
8. Mask is suffocating, remove it to breathe. But hang onto the strap to make sure you don’t lose it.
9. Mask is gone. You have no idea how this happened. Consider crying and going home.
10. Buckle down soldier, you’ve still got a job to do.
11. Without mask, your costume has become ambiguous. You are now forced to explain what you’re supposed to be to every adult you meet along the way.
12. Get frustrated with explaining, cry until adult gives you bonus candy.
13. Discover valuable tantrum => reward system that could benefit you year-round
14. Holy crap! A giant hairy spider!
15. Thank God…it was only pipe cleaners…this time.